Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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