Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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