Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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