i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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