Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
