you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
