I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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