apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
