dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
