Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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