Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My dick has a subreddit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
