Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
