I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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