i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
