it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
