Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
