You made me cry and you don't even care
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
