maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
