It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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