I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize