So drunk its hurt
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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