Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
