this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
