I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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