mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
