Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
