Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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