I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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