If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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