You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
