Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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