gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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