I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
