Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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