my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
