If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
