can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize