It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize