He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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