She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
