its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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