3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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