i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
