Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
