Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so let's talk penis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
