I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
