You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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