3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
