Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
