she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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