Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
