I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
