I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
