I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize