is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
