Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
