ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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