fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
