I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
