The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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