Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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