Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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