she told me i tasted like america
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
