Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
