now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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