sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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