I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
