Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
