good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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