Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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