i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
