I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
