i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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