Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
