Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
